He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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