I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
