I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
