oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
