remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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