After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
