i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
