i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
