Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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