She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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