I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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