Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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