You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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