I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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