you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize