it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
