You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
