You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
