i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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