this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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