I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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