I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
