just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
