How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
