So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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