you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
is it fun? or sober?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
