I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
