Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
