She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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