Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
