I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
