I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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