Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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