you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
