Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
