So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
