i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Your dad touched me again.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
