You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
