Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Randomize