yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
