I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
