Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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