Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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