is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
