You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
