he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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