he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
