i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
