Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
