Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
