Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
