I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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