Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Randomize
