when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
