So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
