Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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