You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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