I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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