She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Houston, we have a blender
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
