I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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