so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
