I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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