Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
