i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
