dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize
